This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Enjoy the penises
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
