So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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