Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
false alarm. still invincible.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
