he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
