Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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