I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
