I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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