$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
