the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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