hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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