No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
