You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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