Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
