So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize