Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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