So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
