I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
