genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Im part way to drunk.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
