I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
