i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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