Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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