it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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