I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize