Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
