my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
