i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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