At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
