I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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