I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
