from now on my penis is your penis
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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