that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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