Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
