When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize
