So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize