the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
