You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
