Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dignity is for republicans.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
