the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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