Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
