I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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