The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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