I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
