Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
