if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
