Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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