honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
