he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Randomize
