She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
