he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
