Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
being pregnant is like rehab
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
