i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
