So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
