Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
They took my balls.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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