Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize