So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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