it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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