i would punch a child for taco bell
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
