He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
