If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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