Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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