OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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