new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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