just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
