So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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