i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
