i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Pants are for mortals
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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