I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Shame - the story of my life.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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