WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
