apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
