We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
