OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
