I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
