I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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