I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
