This dress was meant to end up on your floor
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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