Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
wanna go halves on a baby?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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