i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
