It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
