Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So squirting runs in the family.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
