if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
FUCK WHALES
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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