Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
