Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
